How to decide not to flip out

Yesterday, I made the decision of not flipping at my husband. Yes, that was the decision, not flipping at him for buying something without my consent.

I know, I sound like a dictator: “I didn’t give you permission to do this or buy that, I’m gonna punish you right now”… But there is more to it. You see, my husband and I, as a couple, do pretty much everything together, other than work and using the toilet for number two. We cook together, clean the house together, work our together (when possible), we make decisions together, aaaand that is the part that I want to highlight, the decisions part.

We had agreed to LOOK FOR speakers for home, the kind of speakers you use via Bluetooth to play music from your phone, tablet, computer or TV. I had in mind something small and cheap. My husband, on the other hand, thought of surround sound, 300+ watts of sound, sound bar, sub woofer, lights, smoke, etc. We looked online at some ideas, we went to a couple of stores to compare prices, everything was over $100, way out of our budget, well that’s what I thought.

We spend the whole weekend talking about it, comparing prices, brands, colors, styles, I got really tired and annoyed; and I asked Davide for a break, a break of talking and looking for that speaker. He said fine, Monday came by, and all of the sudden, he calls me and says he is about to buy a sound bar with sub woofer. I was in shock, I couldn’t believe he decided by himself to do so, ignoring our agreement. I asked the price, it was like $150, I said to him that it was way our our budget, I asked him to re-consider. He said, “okay, you are right”.

That afternoon, I went home after work and I waited for Davide to come home, he called me on his way home to let me know that HE BOUGHT A SOUND BAR! I had no words, I said: “Okay, see you home”. I felt so mad, how could he? I prayed God to help me find a way to stay calm, keep my cool, and be able to use my words to express my annoyance when he gets home without having a nasty argument or a fight.

He got home all excited, I was laying in the couch, as soon as he entered home. I grabbed him by the arm and told him how upset I felt because he didn’t keep our agreement and bought that thing, I explained to him that we had priorities, there are other things more important to buy for the house than a sound bar. I was so calmed and I spoke so well that he felt kind of bad and promised me to return the sound bar the next day… but he didn’t.

He didn’t return the sound bar because since it was home, we opened it up, plugged it in, and started to watch TV with it, we listened to music form our phones, from YouTube, we began dancing, singing out loud, and having fun… so I said to him, “let’s keep it”.

It sounds silly, but a lot of couples fights begin by something like what Davide did. I know in my case, if I wouldn’t have stayed calm, and if I wouldn’t consciously made the decision of not flipping at Davide, the end would have been waaaay different. This kind of decision-making, I have not only applied it to my marriage, I have applied it to everyday life, encounters and interactions, specially while driving. Driving has been a source of stress and anger to me since I moved to Miami. I avoid driving during peek hours, but traffic is bad all the time in this city.

So I have to make a decision every time I am behind the wheel… am I going to get mad or not? I started to choose NOT to get mad, NOT to take it personal, NOT to flip about it. It is not worthy, that’s how you decide not to flip.